I’m sure our children and grandchildren do not even imagine what emotions we experience at our older age. They find it difficult to understand that the intensity does not change, we want to really fall in love and find a partner for the last part of our lives and we are ready to do everything to make that happen. We are turning to dating sites, we ask friends to introduce us to potential partners, but overall, our age is much more difficult to find our soul mates.
Two months after my divorce, when I was at the peak of fear and insecurity after the divorce, when I asked myself, “Who would want you at fifty plus?” I decided to take the plunge and sign up for online dating site and immediately went back to my favorite activity at the time – cry inconsolably in bed.
A few days and three pounds less later I decided to have a look at and see if anybody noticed that I was there and behold! My mailbox was flashing, signaling to me: “Hey, I like you, can I get to know you”? Of course immediately my self confidence soared into the sky and I began filter and filter and filter finally allowed myself to give my number to three men but added alerts and restrictions such as – start with a text message, call from 6 pm to 6:05 and all kinds of obstacles that actually inform potential candidates – “I’m not ready, go home”!
The three knights did call and I told myself that as part of my self-confidence restoration I have to meet them and see what feedback I get face to face. Since I was still mourning and everyone seemed less then my ex, I arrived to the dates in a state of apathetic zombie. Then I realized that nothing in the world has changed. Men love to go hunting specially when the hunt runs away.
So I found myself in three dates with three men who continued to woo me with enthusiasm. It turned out that one of them was the one.
I think it all started to go wrong here .. Suddenly began to care too, suddenly I wanted this relationship badly, I even said to him after a month or so that I want to live together (all as part of panic and anxiety) . We found ourselves in a constant fight when he tried to slow down and I try to gallop ahead. I said to myself and to him (mistake number one!) We are wasting time! you are at your late sixties, and I am in my late fifties let’s do it now! immediately, yesterday!
And he said – I love you, I want this relationship, but I lived alone for so many years, give me some air, give me space, give me time to adjust…
Needless to tell (because I’m sure that all of you my beloved readers were once in the same place), I began to make life impossible for myself and for him. I was constantly frustrated, insulted and offended, when he had not meant to offend or hurt. All he wanted was to slow down. Past few months in which he showed exceptional resilience and I showed panic and anxiety the relationship began to dissolve until he broke up with me.
I searched and searched for answers online on how to behave and save this relationship until I found the program “Get your ex back”. , Although I told myself it is not intended for an older experienced woman like me .. but it turns out that truths are truths, no matter what age, no matter of geography, culture etc.
The amazing thing I always advise my friends how to behave in a relationship and it’s always work like magic! But as soon as I have experienced it myself it was much more difficult to act intelligently so the program puts me in a kind of rational behavior, self-control and peace of mind.
Now you ask – Are you together? Well, yes, we cgot back together. But I realize that I should persist in the way of behavior, develop self-esteem and inner strength and fall in love with the most important person in the universe: myself.